Monday, October 29, 2007
practice
Helped my brother practice his OSCI yesterday, haha allowed him to practice a patient examination on my wrist and knee.
I’ve been a little cautious about allowing myself to be his guinea pig or ‘practice’ ever since i came home one day, walked into the kitchen and saw mum and andrew talking. Andrew then sat me down, and began by asking
how much do you love me? Naturally... i was stunned...
my gaze happened to wander down towards the kitchen table when i noticed a syringe, some swabs and saline solution. As you can imagine, my apprehension rose up a notch.
My eyes flickered back towards my brother.
Oh no. No.no.no. you cannot be serious. I need the practice!.
Uncontrollably and regrettably, my voice rose an extra octave. Practice!?!? I’m not letting you touch me until you’ve had more practice!!
Come on... who else can i practice on? You’re my sister! I would let you practice on me if you studied med!
Get real. As if you would. you hate needles more than i do. I searched his eyes and face, in a desperate attempt to detect a hint of some pathetic practical joke. Hmmmm....
Mum! he’s lying right?
Dad and i have already agreed to do it, you know he needs practice.
oh oh. Mum wouldn’t lie to me.
You want me to pass don’t you? It won’t really hurt. Much.
LIAR!!! thats the biggest needle i’ve ever seen.
Ok ok. Fine. I’ll walk you through what i’d do. My brother then proceeded to mime injecting the syringe into my forearm, and then pretending to apply pressure (jabbing me) a couple of times. I reclaimed ownership of my arm, before glaring at my brother and gritting out.
You are NOT doing that with a real needle.
then i caught it, the merest flicker of laughter in his eyes. A twitching in the corner of his mouth quickly suppressed.
Urgh. You liar!!! i knew it!! You wouldn’t be this insistent if it was true... but mum supported your stupid....... mum lied. MUM LIED! MUMMMMMMM!!!!! How could you?!?!
At this point, Andrew and mum had collapsed into a fit of laughter...
it was just a little test...
How much do you love me? You were testing how much i loved you??? You manipulating little... argh... oh.oh. so not cool.
Hahaha ok...so after a couple of moments, i could clearly see the humour in the whole thing... but obviously, my brother doesn’t inspire much confidence in me now when he asks if he can ‘practice’ on me.
Well anyway. Today... came home and saw a whole collection of swabs, a syringe, needle and saline solution sitting on the kitchen table. Similar process again. Haha me strongly dissenting. Until, my Dad asked, if he can’t practice on the family, how is he going to learn? Great. Andrew really isn’t kidding this time. And he wasn’t insisting either. Just quiet puppy-dog-eyes. Argh. Done for.
Ok, fine. But you only get one shot. Understand? Thats it. No more. Don’t screw up.
So, my brother went and got the materials. Sat down again, and then asked really? You’re actually agreeing to let me do this? hold on. he wouldn't hesitate. that would give me too much time to reconsider.
Urgh. Click. I can’t believe i fell for it again. he didn’t even have to pull the don’t you love me stunt. he's getting better at manipulating me! And even worse... Daddy lied!
Am i gullible or what?!
note to self: family can not be trusted.
hahahahaha
Labels: family, ramblings
Updated@11:41 PM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
awestruck and amazed. i'm lost for words. you're awesome.
thank You so much.
Labels: praise, thanks
Updated@8:35 PM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
Saturday, October 27, 2007
anticipating
hmm... well i've finally been able to commit myself to it. to be honest, when i received the final confirmation that i'd been praying so long for, i was a little stunned. i think i just sat there with my mouth a little open... and blinked. a couple of times. before realizing that i must have looked a little foolish.. tried to collect my thoughts but not before i blurted out... ever-so-eloquently
thats it?
then it occurred to me,
isn't this what you prayed for? peace?
i have no idea what to expect next year. haha all i know is that things are going to be different. interesting. fun. busy. challenging... but like every year, better than the last. i'm looking forward to it. haha JL and BY are gonna have to deal with me =D tehehe feeling sorry for them already.
Lord would You go ahead before me, prepare my heart, my hands and feet. give me a teachable spirit. equip me. help me to impact and encourage, nurture and love. give me insight. a discerning spirit. keep me from stumbling others. let me be a blessing... but most of all... help me to keep falling more and more in love with You.
its gonna be great.
Labels: future
Updated@10:51 PM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
Thursday, October 25, 2007
utterly useless?
reminds me so much of IB and cramming in general... how much do i remember of year 12? barely any... how much do i remember from last semester? not nearly enough.
gets me in the right mood to study... not.
HAHAHA
can you tell i'm procrastinating?
Labels: procrastinating (how sad is it that i have this as a label?)
Updated@9:34 PM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
hug?
the average person needs 3 hugs a day...
those who know me well, know how much i love hugs.. i’d say i need more than 3 a day... hahaha
often when i’m upset/lonely/stressed/frustrated/anxious i crave hugs. Its the one habit my family have noticed that i develop when i’m stressed (ie. exam or assignment times) i require more hugs... i guess its for assurance, a feeling of security, the warmth of it that brings me comfort and makes me feel loved.
haha there have been times when perhaps i’ve left assignments or study to the last minute, and hence the stress... and i’ve had to ask my parents to please skip the lecture and just give me the hug? the hug would momentarily soothe the panic attack (which i’m not usuall prone to... but when it occurs... its like i’ve convinced myself that i don’t deserve to pass. haha) but eventually i’d need to go back for another hug. it becomes an addiction...
in all honesty? the only times i truly find peace is when I seek Him with all my heart and commit it all into His hands. its only then that His reassurance washes over me.. His peace and love envelopes me... just like a hug... but better. =D
hahaha it would be nice if i could remember this everytime...and save myself the embarrassment of a panic attack.
Labels: observations
Updated@10:16 PM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
a thousand times i've failed, still Your mercy remains
should i stumble again, i'm caught in Your grace
everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
the art of losing myself, in bringing You praise
everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, i give You control
consume me from the inside out
Lord, let justice and praise become my embrace,
to love You from the inside out
everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades,
never ending Your glory goes beyond all fame
and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
from the inside out, Lord my soul cries out
above all else my purpose remains, the art of losing myself in bringing You praise. everything within me burns to sing Your praise; from the inside out, Lord my soul cries out.
Despite all my shortcoming, all the mistakes that i make... You still love me, more than anyone else ever could.
those three words just aren't enough. but for all that its worth...
i love You
Labels: love, praise, thanks
Updated@12:00 AM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
Monday, October 22, 2007
great times
its funny how sometimes you don't realize just how much you missed doing certain things...until you do them again.
haha i had a great time on sat with AP... and it brought back these great memories... can you believe that it was this time last year we were studying together so very hard.. all those times we would try and motivate one another... (haha like... this is the last time you'll be doing maths... argh and here i am doing QM... which incorporates statistics the thing i hated the most in maths) setting a goal to complete a topic and then going off and doing the thing that was so distracting... and struggling to get back into it again? lazing on your bed and talking, going through your wardrobe... and then deciding whether its worth risking the freezing cold water and going for a swim...
can you believe it? here we are... studying what we wanted to study... and thinking... geeezzz i thought i was done with exams! wow... sometimes it seems like it was a lifetime ago... but yet... i still remember it so clearly...
thanks for the great times =D hehe i'll be coming over more during the hols ;D
oh, and i so would not tap that... sorrryyy....but i still love you! HAHAHA
love love love
Labels: reminiscing
Updated@12:18 PM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
Thursday, October 18, 2007
the little voice inside my head
Its kinda funny how sometimes in a particular moment...
a little voice inside your head goes...
ohhhhh bad idea.... this is so gonna happen...but you ignore it... thinking... i'm being careful.. and then whoops...
and the
little voice inside your head spits out something useful, like:
i told you so......moron
i had one of those moments the other day. I was cutting a pear and i couldn't be bothered getting out the chopping board. so, i did it the
insanely stupidly moronic way. held the pear in my hand, whilst cutting not
away from my hand... but
towards it... (uhhuh... a profoundly intelligent idea... but what can i say... i have my moments) and the
little voice inside my head pipes up...
uh uh... bad idea... but: the oh-so-confident-self rationalizes... nah... i'm being careful...if i'm aware of the risk... it won't happen...
and the little voice inside my head retreats, muttering to itself:
fool... just you wait... so, whilst cutting... my brother distracts me...the knife slips... and i slice my hand. and of course...
the little voice inside my head does a little dance whilst singing oh-so-loudly
i told you so... i told you so... HA!
Don't worry... i have a point to all this... and it isn't that i'm losing my mind hearing 'voices'. and it probably isn't so simplistic as: moral of the story?
listen to the voice inside your head.in our lives, actions that we commit, things that we say and even in the relationships that we may have, i think that at some point... theres a niggling feeling that the decisions we are making (and they may seem to be trivial at the time) are going to lead to a
whoopsies moment. a stupid choice like not using a chopping board and slicing your hand. saying something like... i'm never gonna join facebook.... and then couple of weeks down the track... having to swallow your pride. or... perhaps... knowing that the person isn't the right one... if anything, they are so bad for you... but opening yourself up anyway to hurt or disappointment.and really... there are moments when you think that being aware of the risk is enough. that by knowing the risks, you'll be able to avoid it. haha perhaps sometimes this may be the case... but we aren't impervious to distractions, or making mistakes. haha sometimes... if you see the risk... its best to run in the opposite direction. but then again... sometimes like a child who touches the hot stove, we learn to respect the flame. It could have been avoided. but... you'll recover.
its life.
you live.
you learn.
hopefully... ;)
Labels: observations, ramblings
Updated@11:38 PM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
hahaha i really really should stop procrastinating and just get on with it... hehe
Labels: procrastinating (how sad is it that i have this as a label?)
Updated@11:16 PM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
run
I’ve always been more of a sprinter than a long distance runner... haha... in primary school right up to high school Aths... if ever i saw my name listed next to an event such as 400 m ‘sprint’ or 800m or *shudder* 1500m... i do believe my heart would literally sink... hahaha... I think it had a lot to do with the fact that i would have been representing my house against those who were made for long distance running. Haha i’m pretty sure everybody dreaded running against DD and LCdC... (really... you would be battling for 3rd place.. don’t even look at 1st or 2nd)
Long distance running requires endurance. Strength of will to push past the pain and focus on reaching the target. Perseverance. Haha i hated long distance running... hahaha to me i guess apart from the improving fitness... i didn’t derive enough pleasure or enjoyment out of the activity. I’ve always enjoyed ball sports a great deal more (arghhhhhhhhh i miss sports!!! I miss PE!!! I miss Gilly!) and of course... some of the sports i played would involve running at some point. Softball... running between bases... (haha the skill was more in sneaking bases) cricket when batting (haha this time the skill was more in running in the ridiculously cumbersome gear and trying not to stumble and fall) Mmm... my strength has always been more towards short bursts of speed and energy. Partly the reason i would be positioned as striker in soccer... i think the times i played centre midfield... i was wishing the ball wouldn’t keep moving so much and just stay down one end of the field... preferably our scoring end... hahaha. Endurance and perseverance? To be perfectly honest? Not my strong points.
Whilst this is the way i tend to be in terms of fitness i guess i do wonder whether i am like this in the way that i live life? Short bursts of speed and energy? But too exhausted or burnt out to maintain that for the long run? Unable to ignore the momentary pain and push onwards? Mmm... something for me to ponder on... and search my heart.
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.
- 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
- Hebrews 12:1
Training my heart, mind, body and spirit to run with perseverance. To focus on You alone. Because Lord, You are all I need.
In Your strength.
By Your grace.
I’ll run.
Labels: observations, perseverance, sports
Updated@8:53 PM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
Monday, October 15, 2007
so much more
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls...
and hears me when I call
more than a religious figure. more than an abstract or philosophical entity. more than curse word. You are so much more.
You are relational. You reached down. You are my best friend. the One. You are undeniably present. there is power in Your name. there
is no greater name.
You know me. better than anyone. better than i know myself... haha. You look into my heart and see it all... the good the bad and the ugly. You make me vulnerable before You. but i know that my heart could never be in safer Hands.
You'll never let me down.
Labels: faith, praise, security
Updated@12:37 AM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
Thursday, October 11, 2007
I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me
Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory
You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful
-Beautiful Bethany Dillon
I love how this song captures the insecurities that girls go through...
and the best thing about this song... is the recognition that it is only God who can reconcile insecurities and fears.
You love me the way i am... You make me worthy of love and beautiful. You leave me gobsmacked and grinning... hahaha =D
Lord I am so in love with You.
Labels: beauty, FirstLove, love, praise, security
Updated@12:33 AM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
The Faith of the Centurion When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. "Lord," he said, "my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering."
Jesus said to him, "I will go and heal him."
The centurion replied, "Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one, 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it."
When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and said to those following him, "I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."
Then Jesus said to the centurion, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would." And his servant was healed at that very hour.
-Matthew 8:5-13
you know what would be totally cool? to have a faith that astonishes Jesus... yep. that would be awesome.
striving to be all that You want me to be. seeking more of You. falling more in love with You each day. Your joy is my strength.
would You give me mountain-moving faith...
faith.hope.peace.love.joy
Labels: bible verses, faith
Updated@10:20 PM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
Sunday, October 7, 2007
for you
the truth is... we'll miss you... heaps... and things won't be the same without you...
thanks for all the great times... haha =D... choco pillows, that evil chocolate ice-cream, poker, taboo, gang up tiggy, all nighters, karaoke, pool... haha
thanks for being there for me... and being such a great friend...
but our hearts prayer is that you will stay close to Him... that you will remember His goodness... and His love... even when things gets difficult.
The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing
-Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard
- Isaiah 52:12
God is with you, wherever you are... trust in Him and draw strength from Him. we'll be praying for you... =) keep smiling. stay strong and hold onto Him. haha and get your blog up and running!!! take care =D
Labels: reminiscing
Updated@10:44 PM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
Monday, October 1, 2007
you
i've noticed that more often than not... you don't get a chance to recover...
you don't get a chance to take a breath.
its never a coincidence that circumstances that discourage you, circumstances that knock you off your feet or sometimes just plain hurts... well... they happen all at once.
and i'm not going to even bother pretending that i understand why these things are happening. i won't pretend that I'm strong enough.
and i've learnt... that i have to be prepared for it. stand my ground.
when i suddenly find myself with a face full of dirt... i'm learning to draw upon His strength so i can stand up... dust myself off... and let Him calm the storms within me.
focusing on You
because
You are that much bigger than me and my circumstances... that much stronger. i only see the struggles...
You see the bigger picture...
You see the prize ahead.
You hold me in the palm of Your hand.
You will
never let me go.
You are in control. through it all.
so i will trust in You.
Labels: faith, perseverance, struggles
Updated@12:16 AM
so... whatcha thinking? =)
reminds me so much of IB and cramming in general... how much do i remember of year 12? barely any... how much do i remember from last semester? not nearly enough.
