something that i've been more conscious of in recent years, i don't want my faith in Him to be reliant on just the emotional encounters i experience with Him. those moments where to be in His Presence causes such a deep stirring in my spirit, and i'm physically incapable of stopping the tears. i'll be candid: for a really long time, i thought that if i cried, that was an indication that i was in His presence. haha... i actually thought, that if i didn't cry, i hadn't been touched by Him. which now, seems ridiculous.

mmm... hear me when i say this, i'm not belittling these emotional encounters with Him. honestly, they are moments where i think we walk away changed. pivotal moments where His Spirit ministers to us, to bring healing of emotional hurt, His validation and amazing love. they are really moments of refreshment for our mind/body/heart/spirit and moments where we learn His heart, and He breaks our heart for the lost. definitely, these moments can impact our walk with Him.
what i am trying to say however, is that i've realised the danger in basing my faith on these moments. i've realised the foolishness in chasing after these emotional encounters by going to camps or conventions [and perhaps walking away either excited in having experienced Him, or feeling downcast because i didn't cry (lol)] instead of chasing after Him.
i've begun to realise... that whilst in my younger years (haha makes me feel old saying that...) a huge proportion of my encounters with Him were based on these emotions and being moved to tears, in fact... my walk was reliant on these moments. and that's all it was... my walk with Him, was based on several moments. it was like... during those camps/conventions/worship sessions i would take a couple of steps forward with Him, but as soon as it was over, i would just stand there, and say, sorry God, can't take another step until the next camp, soo... i'll see you same time next year ok? and in essence, that was me, stagnant until the next year came around again.

looking at Matthew 18:20 which assures us of His Presence when two or more are gathered... haha i think often, we rely on those moments where there are many of us gathered before we think that He is there, when in reality its not the case. (the amazing trait of being omnipresent! haha) i've begun to treasure those moments, alone, with You. in the quiet. and its no longer necessary for me to cry to feel Your Presence. haha its funny... how even in a kids movie, i can hear Your voice... and it amazes me so so so much, that Your Spirit turns up, even when its just me there. because... faith is not based on how You make me feel, but who You are. its learning to praise You despite how i feel, and praising You for who You are.

haha well... this post has taken a different turn to what i was anticipating: cause despite what i've said above, last night was a blessing for me, and i found myself trying to restrain the tears. i have been cautious about desiring those emotional encounters with You, but perhaps... there is nothing wrong with desiring them, though there is something dangerous in relying upon them. thank You for the unexpected moment. =)

Labels: faith, FirstLove, learning, love, ramblings

Updated@3:51 PM

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Saturday, September 20, 2008

its been awhile since i've blogged... haha i haven't actually had internet at home... and gosh. its made me realize how much we rely on technology. you won't believe how many times i wanted to wiki things...but had no internet... haha anyway...

its funny how in my family's bid to get faster internet, we wound up with no internet.

its actually true what they say... that generation Y is oriented towards instant gratification. we feel compelled to upgrade our technology so that we can save milliseconds. we get jobs... (at least part time) not to save for our future security, but to spend it immediately... on things we honestly don't need. kinda scary huh?
because deep down... we all know that what feels good for us now... is not always whats best for us in the future. yet... it seems easy to ignore that niggling feeling.

when i was in kindergarten, i think i ate so many lollies that i lost all my baby teeth by the time i was like in grade one. hahaha... and really... when we're young... all we are concerned with is instant gratification, the concept of waiting, or even discipline is beyond us. all the talk of diabetes and teeth falling out seemed soooo trivial. haha something to worry about later, after i enjoy this chocolate bar now. i remember hearing about a science experiment where a child was told... i'll give you a lolly now, but if you can hold onto it for 10 minutes, you can have two lollies. the adult then placed the lolly into the child's hands and left the room. in almost every instance, the child was not capable of waiting, completly lacked the discipline to control themselves.

discipline is a discipline in itself. hahaha duh. its not something that we have as kids... (well i certainly didn't!) so we work on it. and often we find ourselves asking why? why do i need to work on it? well... perhaps at times, its because what feels good now, isn't going to help us in the future. perhaps discipline will help us to achieve certain goals. but for me? right now? discipline is required for me to learn.

did you know that the word discipline has the latin origin of disciplina "instruction" and the root discere "to learn", it refers to the systematic instruction given to disciples. (ohhh yeahhhhhh.... its good to have wiki back! hahaha) discipline is required for me to be learn more of what it means to be a disciple of Christ. discipline is what is required of me to be more like Him.

a student is not above his Teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his Teacher.
-Luke 6:40

do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? run in such a way as to get the prize. everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. they do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; i do not fight like a man beating the air.
-1 Corinthians 9:24-26

Labels: learning, observations, ramblings

Updated@1:35 AM

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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

bigger picture

to be part of the bigger picture... part of the Greater plan.

i don't know what... but i know i can trust i the Who

Labels: future

Updated@12:04 AM

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