something that i've been more conscious of in recent years, i don't want my faith in Him to be reliant on just the emotional encounters i experience with Him. those moments where to be in His Presence causes such a deep stirring in my spirit, and i'm physically incapable of stopping the tears. i'll be candid: for a really long time, i thought that if i cried, that was an indication that i was in His presence. haha... i actually thought, that if i didn't cry, i hadn't been touched by Him. which now, seems ridiculous.

mmm... hear me when i say this, i'm not belittling these emotional encounters with Him. honestly, they are moments where i think we walk away changed. pivotal moments where His Spirit ministers to us, to bring healing of emotional hurt, His validation and amazing love. they are really moments of refreshment for our mind/body/heart/spirit and moments where we learn His heart, and He breaks our heart for the lost. definitely, these moments can impact our walk with Him.
what i am trying to say however, is that i've realised the danger in basing my faith on these moments. i've realised the foolishness in chasing after these emotional encounters by going to camps or conventions [and perhaps walking away either excited in having experienced Him, or feeling downcast because i didn't cry (lol)] instead of chasing after Him.
i've begun to realise... that whilst in my younger years (haha makes me feel old saying that...) a huge proportion of my encounters with Him were based on these emotions and being moved to tears, in fact... my walk was reliant on these moments. and that's all it was... my walk with Him, was based on several moments. it was like... during those camps/conventions/worship sessions i would take a couple of steps forward with Him, but as soon as it was over, i would just stand there, and say, sorry God, can't take another step until the next camp, soo... i'll see you same time next year ok? and in essence, that was me, stagnant until the next year came around again.

looking at Matthew 18:20 which assures us of His Presence when two or more are gathered... haha i think often, we rely on those moments where there are many of us gathered before we think that He is there, when in reality its not the case. (the amazing trait of being omnipresent! haha) i've begun to treasure those moments, alone, with You. in the quiet. and its no longer necessary for me to cry to feel Your Presence. haha its funny... how even in a kids movie, i can hear Your voice... and it amazes me so so so much, that Your Spirit turns up, even when its just me there. because... faith is not based on how You make me feel, but who You are. its learning to praise You despite how i feel, and praising You for who You are.

haha well... this post has taken a different turn to what i was anticipating: cause despite what i've said above, last night was a blessing for me, and i found myself trying to restrain the tears. i have been cautious about desiring those emotional encounters with You, but perhaps... there is nothing wrong with desiring them, though there is something dangerous in relying upon them. thank You for the unexpected moment. =)

Labels: faith, FirstLove, learning, love, ramblings

Updated@3:51 PM

so... whatcha thinking? =)